“President Obama’s Approval Rating tops 100 Percent!” an essay by Dan Miller

Today’s Guesst Saturday post is from the DanMillerInPanama blog. Dan takes a satirical look at President Obama’s popularity. He originally published this essay on January 31, 2013.

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President Obama’s Approval Rating tops 100 Percent!

President Obama, rightfully jealous of the immense popularity of his rival,

North Korea’s Kim Chi-un, has managed to surpass him.

Kim with happy people

North Korean women joyfully considering

the bright futures of their children under Kim Chi-un

After long running neck with North Korea’s Dear Leader Kim Chi-un as the most popular head of state ever, President Obama had seemed likely to suffer a major setback when Kim delighted his people even more than before by becoming the first head of state go to the moon. Not content with trying to diminish Kim’s popularity in North Korea by spreading rumors that he might return, President Obama exhibited his own extraordinary personal resilience by not only regaining lost ground but far surpassing Kim with one hundred and twenty-eight percent popular approval — the first President of the United States to do so.

The Great Foot Washing Initiative

There were several contributing factors, but many believe that he did it principally by becoming the first head of state to wash the feet of all of his cabinet members. Hoping to assuage any possible jealousy, President Obama immediately promised to bestow the same honor upon the top ten donors to his new community organizing PAC, Organizing for Action, all of whom will also to given important Cabinet level posts as they are created or become vacant. This promise was widely reported as strong evidence of President Obama’s interest in the welfare of America’s great middle class, often ignored in the past when it had been necessary to make presidential appointments.

Pope Arnold I, immediately after deposing the former Pope, Benedict XVI, took the initial lead in praising President Obama’s Footsie Initiative as demonstrating his uniquely humble character. The new Pope immediately used his Twitter account to worship praise him. Recognizing the President’s far superior understanding of all matters theological and spiritual, Pope Arnold also announced his withdrawal of opposition to paying for contraception and abortion and issued a Papal Bull (also via twitter) encouraging both contraception and abortion as well as homosexual, transsexual and mixed-species marriage. Until equality has been achieved, he asked for the voluntary postponement of heterosexual marriages. These steps, all of which President Obama promptly praised, hastened his successful rush to the top in popularity.

Obama CriesPresident Obama was moved to tears by Pope Arnold’s tweet.

President Obama’s unique Skeet shooting prowess also helped to put him over the top

As observed by Andrew Malcolm, President Obama’s rise in popularity was also due in part to the revelation that he frequently shoots skeet. Although the claim has been challenged by some in the vast-right-wing-lunatic-fringe media conspiracy, it is clearly accurate. Skeet are among the gravest threats known to President Obama’s supporters because their existence encourages the civilian purchase of firearms. In addition, rabid skeet have bitten countless small children en route to worship him. The sadly almost zombie-like expressions of the cherubs shown in the video below — despite their best efforts to overcome the effects — demonstrate the debilitating effects of skeet bites.

It is beyond rational dispute that President Obama’s heroic personal efforts to eradicate skeet deserve far more than praise of the sort given to mere mortals.

Skeet shooting with President Obama

Skeet shooting with President Obama

President Obama deserves equal praise for being the only President in history to kill skeet when they are directly above or behind him — while skillfully appearing to point his weapon in marvelously random directions immediately upon firing it. One former shooting companion, reflecting upon a recent skeet shooting experience with the President, offered this inspiring comment: “shooting skeet with President Obama helped me to realize more than ever before how very much I want to survive at least a little while longer.”

To maintain and even to increase his one hundred and twenty-eight percent approval rating, President Obama’s laudable efforts to take guns away from currently law abiding citizens are increasing daily. As they increase, he is rapidly winning overwhelming support from undocumented pharmacists and redistribution specialists, members of their social clubs, families and customers against whom ineffective gun control laws are thought to have discriminated unconstitutionally, placing them in mortal danger in comparison to their brethren in civilized cities such as Chicago. Such renowned civil rights organizations as the New Black Panthers, Zeta International, Al Sharpton, Inc. and the American Criminal Liberation Union (ACLU) are rapidly joining their ranks.

Will President Obama maintain his dramatic lead over Kim Chi-un? That of course remains to be seen, but the likelihood is that it will continue to increase so long as polls continue to be taken of only smart people. Any change to take into account the absurd notions of others is unthinkable because they are inconsequential. President Obama has so many wonderful opportunities to continue to increase his lead over arch rival Kim Chi-un that his already great lead will very likely continue every upward and fly off all charts.

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About Dan

I was graduated from Yale University in 1963 with a B.A. in economics and from the University of Virginia School of law, where I was the notes editor of the Virginia Law Review, in 1966. Following four years of active duty with the Army JAG Corps, with two tours in Korea, I entered private practice in Washington, D.C. specializing in communications law. I retired in 1996 to sail with my wife, Jeanie, on our sailboat Namaste to and in the Caribbean. In 2002, we settled in the Republic of Panama and live in a very rural area up in the mountains.

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