EPA to issue New Safety Rules for U.S. Flags

I just read this great satire by Dan at danmillerinpanama. Here is a taste:

Due to reports that an innocent Pakistani youth was mortally sickened by toxic fumes from a United States flag while peacefully burning it, the Environmental Protection Agency is quickly preparing new rules to ensure that all U.S. flags are safe to burn. Ben Dover, the Chief of the Flammable Substances Division at the EPA, stated:

Flag burning is a recognized medium of free expression and this action will again demonstrate to our Muslim friends that we fully support their rights of free speech.

Sheik Mohammad Ali Baba

Sheik Mohammad Ali Baba, a noted humanitarian and proponent of wealth redistribution also known as the Deaf Sheik, applauded this development and made his own powerful gesture of peaceful cooperation in return.

The failure of the Great Satan to take this obvious step years ago is inexcusable and many of our beloved martyrs have been killed or injured due to its callous disregard for the health and safety of our people — indeed, of people across the entire world. However, by yielding to our protests over the Great Satan’s policies the United States has once again demonstrated that our overwhelming strength has triumphed over its abject weakness. Therefore, we applaud the action, belated though it is, and will demonstrate our appreciation by burning more of its wicked flags.

Get over there and read the rest.

Well, now you know what I’m thinking. What are your thoughts?

11 thoughts on “EPA to issue New Safety Rules for U.S. Flags

  1. This is just the kind of reaction I would expect from Our White House, maybe we can name a holiday after the said “victim”! How silly would it be it if were true? Maybe we can demand everyone to take their flags down and turn them into the fire stations, as well! As much as I know it is a farse, this is something so bizarre that you just “might” expect it from such a liberal administration. They could rule that flags (American ones) are hazardous to your health so we need to outlaw them. All except for the New and Improved Obama ones, that is. I am shaking my head on this one. Good write, Dan!!!!

  2. I started reading the article out loud to the wife and she was getting all bent out of shape until I clued her in that it was satire. But the way things have been going, who really knows if something is satire or true?

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