“No-Negotiate-Obama was only Practicing [Spoof]”_ funny stuff from Dan Miller

Today’s Guest Saturday post comes to us from Dan Miller of the DanMillerInPanama blog. Originally published on October 14, 2014, Dan has some fun with President Obama’s policy of not negotiating with Republicans.

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No-Negotiate-Obama was only Practicing [Spoof]

 

In a Presidential Address delivered today, President Obama
calmed Wall Street and the rest of the nation by reversing course.

Here is the text of the Presidential Address:

My fellow Americans, some of you believe that my “no negotiations” stance toward Republicans was ill considered and that by intentionally causing unnecessary pain for you, my Fellow Americans, I was just being nasty. Now, I can tell you why I had to do it.

As some have noticed, I have been a wuss in dealing with our foreign enemies. That was, I thought, the best I was able to do. Recognizing the pain this has caused those who want a strong President internationally, I decided that I needed to practice domestically in order to become a truly strong President internationally. Hence, I adopted a “no negotiation” posture in dealing with my Republican colleagues. I did it with great success, much to the displeasure of many and the joy of some. Now, it is time to stop that charade. I shall henceforth negotiate amicably and reasonably with the Republicans. I recognize that, in domestic politics, I cannot get all that I claim to want and that I must yield to facts and circumstances.

Due to the success of my practice run, I am now turning my “no negotiate” stance against our foreign enemies. Henceforth, in dealing with such rogue entities as Iran, North Korea, Palestine and other Islamist groups, I Shall Not yield, even a small fraction of an inch.

Iran

Iran has bullied and lied to the free world incessantly as it has continued to pursue nuclear armaments. I have, therefore, directed My negotiators to demand, unconditionally:

♠ Total cessation of all Uranium enrichment and Plutonium production;

♠ Destruction of all means of Uranium enrichment and Plutonium production;

♠ Disestablishment of all Iranian military forces; and

♠ Cessation of all support for terrorist activities and organizations.

When — and only when – all of these necessary steps are taken, I shall consider the possibility of lifting some sanctions on a temporary basis, pending absolutely credible demonstrations of Iranian good will and truthfulness.

North Korea

The rogue state of North Korea has also played us for suckers for years. It already has nuclear armaments and the means to deliver them. They must be destroyed, immediately. Accordingly, I shall demand that North Korea destroy them immediately and, in addition, that it make the sameconcessions that I am demanding from Iran. When North Korea complies, I shall consider the possibility of lifting some sanctions on a temporary basis, pending concrete and satisfactory demonstrations of North Korean good will and truthfulness.

Palestine

My approach and that of My Administration to a “peace process” in Israel has been a farce. Prime Minister Netanyahu, in secret discussions with Me, has convinced Me that the current process will not work and will instead promote further chaos and terrorism in the entire region. Enough! Henceforth, I shall put no pressure of any sort on Israel — the only reasonably free and democratic nation in the Middle East — to make concessions to the PLO or to its terror promoting allies.

Other Islamist Entities

Although Islam is called the “religion of peace,” it seeks peace only in death for those whom it deems heretical, as it seeks to advance its World Wide Caliphate through jihad and by other means, generally violent. That cannot be allowed to continue — as I have permitted and even encouraged it to do. Hence, I shall direct My Administration to take as hard a line with Islamist entities as I took in my practice dealings with Republicans.

To that same end, all United States funding of the Egyptian Government shall be restored immediately and I hereby withdraw all requests that the Muslim Brotherhood butchers be given any role whatever in a future Government.

Conclusions

Thank you, my fellow Americans, for putting up with me during my presidency. You deserve much better than I have thus far delivered. I pledge henceforth to be a Strong President internationally and a reasonable, cooperative President domestically.

Step aside, Mr. Putin. I am here now.

This completely unexpected Presidential Address will likely cause unhappiness among his librul friends and colleagues, but should deliver a strong message to our nation’s enemies. Will President Obama adhere to the principles He set forth, or abandon them when He discovers that it’s targets are far more intransigent than Republicans?

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About Dan

I was graduated from Yale University in 1963 with a B.A. in economics and from the University of Virginia School of law, where I was the notes editor of the Virginia Law Review, in 1966. Following four years of active duty with the Army JAG Corps, with two tours in Korea, I entered private practice in Washington, D.C. specializing in communications law. I retired in 1996 to sail with my wife, Jeanie, on our sailboat Namaste to and in the Caribbean. In 2002, we settled in the Republic of Panama and live in a very rural area up in the mountains.