“President Obama will issue an executive decree telling Iran what to do” an essay by Dan Miller

Today’s Guest Saturday post comes to us from Dan Miller of the DanMilllerInPanama blog. This satirical look at President Obama’s propensity for Executive Orders was originally published on February 12, 2014.


President Obama will issue an executive decree telling Iran what to do

The P5+1 deal with Iran, like ObamaCare and other laws of the land, means whatever He said (or may have meant to say) it means.

As noted here and elsewhere, the P5+1 deal with Iran may not appear facially to provide for the inspection of, and limitations on activities at, Iran’s military, missile and warhead development sites. Iran, due to her unsophisticated and therefore simplistic approach to matters far beyond her ken, relies on her fatally flawed facial approach to matters related to the deal to argue that the English language version is wrong and that she has given up nothing in exchange for relief from sanctions. However, President Obama has bravely drawn a red line and is firmly resolved that Iran shall not cross it. He has a pen and knows how to use it; He does not bluff. Hence, there is no problem with which He is unable to deal.


According to my confidential White House informant, The Really Honorable I. M. Totus(the Teleprompter Of The United States), President Obama will soon issue a top secret Executive Decree requiring that Iran immediately acknowledge that the deal does, in fact, require inspections and limitations within reasonable limits.

Mr. Totus has graciously provided an advance copy of the Top Secret Executive Decree, which states:

Executive Decree, White House, February __, 2014

I, Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States and universally acknowledged Guardian of the Universe, hereby decree:

1. The November 24, 2013 nuclear agreement between P5+1 negotiators and the Islamic Republic of Iran clearly states in its Governing Preface that Iran shall continue to seek only peaceful nuclear capabilities. It is necessary to verify that such continues to be the case.

2. Accordingly, Iran is hereby directed, immediately, to permit representatives of P5+1 to inspect all Iranian military sites, as well as all other places in Iran, as to which Iran advises that there is credible evidence that explosive nuclear devices, warheads in which they can be installed and missiles by which they can be delivered are present — unless Iran affirms that they are intended for solely peaceful purposes. The term “solely peaceful purposes” shall include, but not by way of limitation, preemptive strikes and other attacks against her enemies.

3. Consistently with my earlier directives, P5+1 representatives shall demand, and Iran shall  meet (in Iran’s sole discretion), a “very high threshold” for evidence that its nuclear efforts are limited to solely peaceful purposes as herein defined.

4. My Secretary of State, John Kerry, will confirm to me six weeks prior to the date of the 2014 U.S. congressional elections that Iran has acknowledged and is in full compliance with this Executive Decree.

5. Iranian officials are hereby granted Top Secret clearance for access to all U.S. documents so classified, including those labeled “NOFORN,” to permit them to read, understand and act upon this Executive Decree.

President Obama has made it perfectly clear that His remarkably forceful Executive Decree will accelerate the pace of P5+1 negotiations in the desired direction and that there will be no extraneous foreign policy issues to distract voters from legitimate issues in the November U.S. elections. Indeed, CNN and MSNBC were the first to acknowledge that the Executive Decree is President Obama’s most exciting and clear foreign policy statement thus far. Congressperson (and Chair of the Democrat National Committee) Debbie Wasserman-Schultz praised both media outlets for their profound understanding of President Obama’s foreign policy. She opined that Iran has no choice other than to comply with the Executive Decree, reluctantly.

Debbie Wasserman-SchultzHe said what?

Speaker of the House Boehner, in a rare demonstration of bipartisanship, agreed with her and expressed total and absolute agreement with President Obama’s truly amazing Executive Decree.

7 thoughts on ““President Obama will issue an executive decree telling Iran what to do” an essay by Dan Miller

  1. If I can figure out how, I am going to repost on my page at ‘Nox and Friends. This is GREAT!
    A perfect political Valentine.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

  2. So then, six weeks before the 2014 elections Obamalama will rattle his saber in irder to obfuscate the real issues such as Barrycare. Sounds like a plan.

  3. POTUSES have been abusing the power of executive order for several decades now.

    What is so amazing to me is that so many Dems express fondness for executive orders — when they should well know that when a GOP POTUS occupies the Oval Office, less desirable to the Dems executive orders will proliferate – if only to undo previous executive orders.

    Ruling by fiat is a disastrous governing policy. And the United States of America is supposed to be a governance much different from ruling by fiat.

  4. I am confused and perhaps someone can help me here … what, if any, is the difference between an “executive order” and a “signing statement”? I have been doing some online searches and am still coming back to this base question.

    Oh, and would you please use ordinary language and not legalize. I am by no means a lawyer/attorney person. Thanx.

      1. And an “Executive Order” differs how, exactly? Is the signing statement an “opinion” and carries no ‘action v an Executive Order which is inherently an ‘action’? Sorry to be dense. But don’t want to get caught flat-footed at some point. I have been reading and some appear to use the terms interchangeably. So I know I am not the only one who is confused.

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